ii 2wear two gog, ii bliinked twiice and iit went from ea2ter two the end of 2chool. for fuck’2 2ake, my birthday ii2 iin ju2t over a week. ii can’t beliieve iit’2 almo2t june already.
where ha2 the year gone?
are you going to the beatles: the lost concert" movie when it comes out next month?
Anonymousii probably wiill. hone2tly, thii2 ii2 the fiir2t tiime ii’ve heard of iit. but ii really liike the beatle2, 2o iif ii have the tiime, ii would.
are you planniing on going?
iit2 2o boriing iin here. fuck me for beiing 2o 2tupiid. ii 2wear, ii promii2ed my2elf ii wouldn’t end up back here for at lea2t another couple of month2. but here ii am. damn.
ii wii2h ii had a book or 2omethiing.
you know, po2tiing on any web2iite ii2 really ju2t talkiing two your2elf untiil 2omeone el2e notiice2 and 2tart2 talkiing back.
ii had a dream a whiile back. ii wa2 iin thii2 room. at fiir2t, iit wa2 ju2t a plaiin room wiith whiite wall2, a concrete floor, and no ceiiliing. ii remember tryiing two get out at fiir2t, but iit diidn’t work. the wall2 ju2t kept gettiing higher and hiigher.
2o ii gave up.
ii laiid on the ground and 2tared at the 2ky. iit wa2n’t riight, but ii diidn’t really notiice at fiir2t. iit wa2 thii2 really riich red-orange. almo2t liike 2omeone miixed an orange pulled from an unu2ually viiviid 2un2et wiith the red hue of fre2hly 2piilled blood. iit 2hould have been unnerviing, but iit wa2n’t. rather, iit wa2 calmiing.
a2 ii ju2t 2tayed there and triied two breathe, the wall2 crumbled. the floor cracked and di2integrated in 2ome part2. the wall2 crumbled. giiant piiece2 were layiing next to them2elve2. iit wa2 beautiiful.
the2e 2iilver ro2e2 grew from the crack2 iin the concrete. then gra22 followed. but when ii triied two pick one of the flower2 two look at iit more quiickly, iit wiilted, crumbled, and then turned two a2he2. ii 2tarted walkiing down a cobble2tone traiil that ii hadn’t notiiced before, and iit felt liike hour2 had pa22ed before anything changed. thii2 whiite biird wa2 2iittiing on the edge of the path. ii wa2 afraiid of iit. truly and utterly afraiid. through the omni2ciience granted by dream2, ii knew iit had been waiitiing for me. ii got clo2e, and iit flew away.
ii ran after iit, and 2uddenly ii wa2 iin a fore2t. through the gap2 iin the canopy, ii could 2ee the 2ky. iit wa2 the dark blue of a midniight 2ky. the bark of the tree2 wa2 2ilver, and they gave off an ethereal glow. the leave2 were deep purple, tran2parent, liike preciiou2 gem2. ii thiink they may have been amethy2t. when ii pa22ed the tree2, they 2tarted to burn and the leave2 withered and fell. ii wanted two 2top and watch, but 2omethiing drove me two follow thii2 biird.
ii wa2n’t cha2iing the oriigiinal bird anymore, though. now iit wa2 black. iit wa2 2maller, but 2omehow it wa2 le22 dangerou2. more peaceful. wherea2 the oriigiinal biird wanted two briing me harm, thii2 one wa2 tryiing two lead me two 2afety.
the entiire fore2t wa2 burniing. ii triipped over a rock and went 2prawliing. iit wa2 better that ii had, though. ii landed iin thii2 pond iin a cleariing. the biird wa2 ciircliing around the very center, 2o ii waded over two iit. when ii wa2 only a foot away, it tran2formed iinto one of the 2iilver ro2e2 from the begiinniing of my dream. the entiire pond wa2 2urrounded by them, and 2omehow the flame2 from the tree2 couldn’t penetrate a barriier they created.
ii piicked up the ro2e, floatiing on the top of the water, and iit turned iinto a 2iilver key. then, ii wa2 back iin the oriigiinal room. there wa2 a black 2tone at my feet and a door iin the very center of the room. ii piicked up the 2tone and pocketed iit, and then ii walked to the door. the clo2er ii got, the darker the room got. a2 2oon a2 ii touched the handle, ii wouldn’t have been able two 2ee my hand iin front of my face.
ii felt liike ii would diie iif ii let go of the door.
iit wa2 locked, 2o ii triied the key. 2uddenly, iit opened, and ii woke up here. ii don’t feel liike iit wa2 ju2t a regular dream. iit wa2n’t a typiical niightmare though, eiither. ii have no iidea how two de2criibe iit.
the black 2tone wa2 under my piillow when ii awoke.
well, ii gue22 the quiiet ii2n’t 2o bad. hone2tly, iit wa2 a reliief at fiir2t. iit’2 quiieter now than iit ha2 been iin year2. the voiice2 are louder iin comparii2on, 2o ii gue22 that 2uck2. but overall, ii 2tiill love how 2iilent iit ii2. iin new york, ii can never fiind a quiiet enough place for a long enough tiime.
but ii mii22 communiicatiion. iinteractiion. 2omeone real two talk two. a tangiible iidea. 2omeone who ii2n’t iin my head.
iit’2 been a long tiime 2iince ii’ve felt alone. iit wouldn’t be thii2 bad iif ii wa2 here a year ago. but ii gue22 ii got u2ed two alway2 haviing 2omeone nearby.
ii could pre22 a button and 2omeone would be here a2 2oon a2 po22iible, but they would 2ee ii don’t actually need anythiing and leave. they all have more pre22iing matter2 two attend two. talkiing two me ii2n’t hiigh on theiir priioriitiie2. health trump2 happiine22 any day, ii gue22.
ii hate beiing confiined two one area. ii’m fiine wiith 2tayiing iin one 2pot iindefiiniitely iif iit’2 on my term2. when 2omeone el2e deciide2 iit, ii’m not happy about iit. ii feel re2tle22 and jiittery and iif ii could fliip a table riight now ii would, but ii can’t.
ii thiink the wor2t part ii2 the lack of coffee. ii can deal wiith no advanced technology for awhiile, but ii’m - for all iintent2 and purpo2e2 - ab2olutely addiicted two coffee. i’m not allowed a 2iingle drop. caffiine fuck2 wiith everythiing, apparently. even after ii get out of thii2 place, ii won’t be allowed any for a couple of week2.
ii gue22 ii’m rantiing. ii gue22 ii do that when there’2 no one two talk two though. dad won’t an2wer hii2 phone, and ii have no clue where anyone el2e ii2. none of the people here wiill talk two me.
ii’ll admiit. thii2 place ii2 much, much better than the p2yche ward2 ii’ve been two. but at lea2t there, the people were iintere2tiing. even iif they weren’t, there wa2 alway2 2omeone blabberiing on about non2en2e, or iif you got lucky, 2oft mu2iic.
iit’2 2o quiiet here.
